Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Missing Harmony

January of 2010 I found out I was pregnant .. what a surprise! Soon after we found out the pregnancy was ectopic (stuck in a fallopian tube, instead of where it should be). In March, I had to get a shot of Methotrexate and ... I was no longer pregnant. I would have been near 12 weeks at that time, since it was now 8 weeks since we found out.

This still hurts every day, except today, for some reason, I feel it a little bit more. I'm not even sure what brought it on but here we are, and so I decided to share with all of you!

I have a Pinterest Board for Harmony, when I post fun things, as well as general Pregnancy Loss pins. I found myself looking at my board today and searching for more to add. This is the exact moment I realized I should be sharing my thoughts.

While I explore rainbows and what thoughts I can put into words, I listen to Now I Sleep - solo piano by John Albert Thomas. Plus I just love that rainbow piano photo, don't you? I've never really written much of anything about the whole experience either, so this is rather new.

I love to organize things by color, just like the photo below, that I took myself using Instagram of Hubby's tons of Gatorade :) You don't want to see my home desk drawer of sharpies!!

I am already feeling better, I thank you all for allowing me to express myself.
I leave you with our Cutie Patootie, Riley. You can't hide that smile!!

And our Kitties (Ninja & Jax).   :)

Do you ever feel like you just want to hold on to your emotions for a little? Sometimes I just like to sit and think, even if it's going to bring all those upsetting feelings out, maybe it's just a way to feel close to Harmony again.



  1. So sorry to hear--loss hurts no matter how old or new the life may be. Expressing yourself is how you grow and get stronger, so kudos!! :)

  2. That was beautifully written and I'm sure it wasn't easy to do. I'm so proud to call you my daughter! You will never replace Harmony but I hope someday soon you will be able to share more love with another baby! I know how much you love Riley too. Thanks for the good cry, I needed that. I love you Jess!

    1. Well, I didn't mean to make you cry! Thank you for your ever present continuing support! I love you too!

  3. Understandably, this is your personal loss. But don't forget that it is a Cooke-Higgins family loss also, so we all share and feel your pain. You are never alone in this.... I will always be there to support you!

    All my love!

  4. Jessica, I saw your post on my blog today. I tried to reply but it would never take. I don't find you insignificant at all... I find you precious! I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. We, too, lost a baby at 16 weeks. It does hurt... but love will help you through! I think if I were to give you a label, it would certainly be, "sweet friend!"



    1. Billie,

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I tried to reply last night, but my phone wouldn't allow me :) I am so blessed to have met you. You're a wonderful person!
      xoxo, Jessica